One of my friends has a stutter, and a lot of people think that’s a bad thing, but to me that’s just like starting certain words with a drum roll. That’s not an impediment, that’s suspense.
Add comment | March 11th, 2010
Trying to get a drunk girl to finish is like trying to take a drunk girl home when she can’t remember where she lives. She’s like, ‘That’s not it, that’s not it, that’s not it.’
Add comment | March 10th, 2010
Trying to get a drunk girl to finish is like trying to take a drunk girl home when she can’t remember where she lives. She’s like, ‘That’s not it, that’s not it, that’s not it.’
Add comment | March 9th, 2010
I’ve been freakishly skinny my entire life because there’s a hole in my butt.
Add comment | March 8th, 2010
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have a pint of blood.”
The second one says, “I’ll have one, too.”
The third one says, “I’ll have a pint of plasma.”
The bartender says, “So, that’ll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?”
Add comment | March 7th, 2010
Male comics are always coming up to me, and they’re like, ‘Hey, Natasha, don’t you think you’re a little attractive to be a comedian?’ And I’m like, ‘Don’t you think you’re a little ugly to be talking to me?’
Add comment | March 6th, 2010
It’s very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy — location, location, location.
Add comment | March 4th, 2010
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
I don’t think I can get hard, I just got laid this morning!
Add comment | March 3rd, 2010
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
I don’t think I can get hard, I just got laid this morning!
Add comment | March 3rd, 2010
Q: What’s the difference between love and herpes?
A: Herpes lasts forever.
Add comment | March 1st, 2010