jokesof.flowerpoop.com

Kurt Metzger: Liposuction

admin — Wed, 17 Mar 2010 08:30:02 +0000

I saw liposuction. You ever see how they do that? It’s, like, violent. They get the hose — it looks like they’re mad at how fat you are.

ShareThis

Natasha Leggero: Going Home to Illinois

admin — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 08:30:01 +0000

I just went home to Illinois, and I asked my family, ‘Are you guys planning on talking in those accents the whole time I’m home?’ And my mother said, ‘You used to talk like that, too, Tasha.’ And I said, ‘Yes, but you see, I’ve reinvented myself. Do you have any idea who I think I am?’

ShareThis

Rob Riggle: Now That Obama Is President

admin — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 08:30:01 +0000

Now that he is our president, I think it’s time we as a nation just took a deep breath and collectively just said out loud, ‘O.J. killed those people.’ It feels good.

ShareThis

Rob Riggle: Now That Obama Is President

admin — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 09:30:03 +0000

Now that he is our president, I think it’s time we as a nation just took a deep breath and collectively just said out loud, ‘O.J. killed those people.’ It feels good.

ShareThis

Jon Lajoie: Bought a Car

admin — Sat, 13 Mar 2010 09:30:03 +0000

I bought a car last week. Well, by ‘bought’ I mean ‘poisoned’ and by ‘car’ I mean ‘my neighbor’s dog.’

ShareThis

Good Year

admin — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 09:30:06 +0000

Q: What do you do with 365 used condoms?

A: Melt them into a tire and call it a good year.

ShareThis

Demetri Martin: Stutter

admin — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 09:30:02 +0000

One of my friends has a stutter, and a lot of people think that’s a bad thing, but to me that’s just like starting certain words with a drum roll. That’s not an impediment, that’s suspense.

ShareThis

Julian McCullough: Drunk Girl Orgasm

admin — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 09:30:04 +0000

Trying to get a drunk girl to finish is like trying to take a drunk girl home when she can’t remember where she lives. She’s like, ‘That’s not it, that’s not it, that’s not it.’

ShareThis

Julian McCullough: Drunk Girl Orgasm

admin — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 09:30:01 +0000

Trying to get a drunk girl to finish is like trying to take a drunk girl home when she can’t remember where she lives. She’s like, ‘That’s not it, that’s not it, that’s not it.’

ShareThis

Shane Mauss: Freakishly Skinny

admin — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 09:30:01 +0000

I’ve been freakishly skinny my entire life because there’s a hole in my butt.

ShareThis